How many have I been eating?!?!?

So I started the dreaded food journal yesterday. I usually do good for a few days then I forget or have a high calorie day and quit.

One of my goals is to fix how I eat. Now I married a Chef which means there are higher calorie meals and butter rules in our house. I’m not going to deprive myself of those things but I am going to practice portion control and moderation!

Yesterday I was very mindful of what I ate and still went over my allotted calorie intake by 500! I also over ate at dinner and knew it about 10 minutes after I was done. Plus I wasn’t able to workout at all which didn’t help the calorie count.

Today I’m doing better except my coffee this morning. I was shocked that my coffee was more calories than my lunch! Lesson learned!

I also realized that my calorie intake must have been insanely high before! I never liked journaling but I get it now and see how helpful it is.

I’ll post again about our current argument and the joy of being a Chef wife (insert ┬ásarcasm font here)!!!

For the love of food

I love food.

Like really love food.

I did one of those facebook questionnaires with my Chef the other day. You know the one “Ladies, WITHOUT prompting, ask your husband or boyfriend these questions and write EXACTLY what they say. The outcome can be hilarious.” Well one of the questions was “What’s my (wife) favorite thing to do?”

Chef’s answer… “Eat.”

I have a love/hate relationship with food though. I love food, especially when Chef cooks for me, which is rare but amazing. I hate food because it leads to massive weight gains.

I’ve yo-yoed ever since I was a middle schooler with my weight. I know how to loose and maintain my weight but I hate doing it. Which lead me to tonight…

Tonight sucks…

I’m laying here in bed on the brink of a bad spiral in to darkness and self-loathing, binge eating and disgust, hopelessness and depression. I’m laying here at the heaviest weight I’ve ever been hours after buying the largest size I’ve ever bought in jeans.

I hate seeing myself in a full length mirror, which is why mine is still packed away 2 and a half years after moving into our house. Pictures are worse.

I’ve decided to stop lying to myself now that I’m 100 lbs from where I want to be and am comfortable at. I love walking but hate waking up early and by the time I’m home from work and eat dinner it’s late and all my energy is gone.

Yet I have to do something. I will not, and can not, live like this anymore.

I want to be healthy again. I want to be able to get pregnant and not worry about complications because I’m obese. Wow. I’m obese. Not overweight as I always refer to myself but truly obese.

It’s time to change that. I’m pledging that I will cut out soda and sweet tea and other sugary drinks. No more fast food or Starbucks multiple times a week. No full meals with Chef after he gets home from the restaurant and I’ve already had dinner. It’s time to wake up every morning and go for a walk. Work towards running. Actually earn my medals from my virtual runs. I know how to be healthy, I’ve been healthy before. I just have to do it.

I’m going to be tired but I will wake up at 7am and go for an hour walk then come home and eat a decent breakfast before work. I will drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. This is hard as I hate the taste of water. I will walk an hour at least 3 days a week and do a work out video at least 2 days a week.

So I made this blog, not only for my weight loss journey, but for all the journeys I’m going through right now. I turned 30 this past April and am ready to expand our family. So this blog will be about the ups and downs of trying for a baby. The many hassles of being married to a Chef. The joy and headaches of having multiple animals trying to love us and destroy the house at the same time. And dealing with said house and the many issues a fixer upper has. I don’t expect to get many followers as I’m not much of a writer and I take barely ok pictures, but that’s not the point. I need an outlet and I need some accountability. So this will be both!